Fiction Friday: BFS and YOU

Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction for the use of parody only. Any data or events cited are most likely pure fabrication. Please read for enjoyment and the satirical viewpoint, not for facts.

The following is a PSA from the Z-ComiX Medical Division:

Today we mourn the death of a dear anime character of whom many have known and loved and even cosplayed as. Today we have lost a remarkable swordsman who could take on many foes. Today we mourn the death of one Sagara Sanosuke from the manga and anime Rurouni Kenshi. He has left this world and gone onto the next, having fought a long battle with a disease that has plagued many an anime since long ago. This disease is called BFS, or the medical term Big F**king Sword.

Yes friends, it’s time to have a serious chat about BFS. In animes BFS has led to the death of many a character. In the case of Sanosuke, it hit him later in life; after year of muscle degeneration and back problems from using his sword, a massive blade known as the “Zanza” (his Zanbato), he finally succumb to the sheer weight of the situation and ripped many muscles and tendons all throughout his body. He was immediately taken to a hospital for treatment of his BFS only to die later that day.

Sanosuke had been struggling with BFS for years, but it has finally caught up with him. It’s too late for him, but there are many anime characters who are afflicted with BFS. Cloud from Final Fantasy, Zabuza from Naruto, Ichigo from Bleach, and even Inuyasha from Inuyasha All have some form of BFS. There are many individuals who go through life everyday carrying unreasonably large swords. There is no way that they can carry, let alone swing the swords the way they do. It is our job as anime viewers to bring to light the viewer-made gravity of BFS.

If you or an anime you know as BFS, there are steps you can take to help overcome this disease. First, the best way to counteract BFS is to point at the sword and point out all the obvious flaws with it. Some phrases that may work to alleviate the problem are “that sword is too massive to work in reality,” “the writers should have realized that there is no way someone could swing a blade that big” or my personal favorite “FAKE!” If this doesn’t work to fix the problem immediately, you need straight to go into step two; tell everyone you know about the BFS. Dictate to them how the sword isn’t realistic in unnecessarily detailed arguments. If they tell you that it is an anime and should not be taken so seriously and to just enjoy it, slap them across the face and tell them that they are wrong and that it does matter and that they just don’t care about good animes like D.I.C.E. and Duel Masters.

You are the only one who can fix this problem and change the mind of an entire franchise by airing your grievances. BFS and other unrealistic things in the unrealistic worlds of animes are plaguing the industry. You need to point this out to everyone repeatedly so that they all know how much anime should model real life. After all, animes are made in order to teach people about the real world and to be as accurate as possible in terms of reality.

Sarcastically,

~~Z-ComiX